Week 3: Jahmyr Gibbs Drops 41 on the Jets, Mike Climbs to 3-0

Woooooooo, what a year it's already been. Injuries turning teams' hopes upside down, trades from the offseason making some teams look great and some look stupid, new coaches, new rookies — everything is all new. We're in the peak of football season from here on: no more "the season just started," no more warm-ups, just ball. And it's even more fun when you have money invested in a fantasy football team. I always enjoy these recaps, and I'm happy to do so — this week was a breeze for me, so without further ado:

Steelers own the state of Ohio, the Patriots are on the phone with Tom Brady begging him to come back, the Cowboys can't stop a high school offense, and as always, fuck the Jets.

Alex 156, Bailey 110

Man, this one felt like a solid game until an unfortunate injury. Alex takes the lead over Bailey this week, 156-110 as of Monday at lunch. I have Monangai, he has D'Andre Swift — the only way he wins is if Swift outscores Kyle by 46 points minimum (there's no way, right?). So for now, we're calling it. 156 points is a damn good outing, thanks in part to Ja'Marr Chase and Garrett Wilson taking 24 and 26 each, and superstar QB Brock Purdy showing out early this year with a solid 31-point outing. But the big thing for this team: the dual-TE threat, and specifically the comeback of Mr. Brock Bowers — 27 points after missing the first two weeks, just to show up and return to full form. Bailey's team wasn't slouching either for most of the week — Christian Watson and Harold Fannin doing the job with 22 and 24 each, Tyler Loop going band for band with my kicker for 12 points, and Tyler Shough balling out of his mind (couple mistakes at the end of the game, but still ended up with 23 for himself). The bad part? Justin Jefferson went down with an ankle injury after only 5 points. We had a real chance at a really solid matchup this week, but that stopped all chances he had. Now, JJ will apparently be fine — early reports say he could be back next week — but it's a sting for now. Alex advances to 2-1 and Bailey starts the year off 1-2.

Mason 162, Tanner 100

Oof, this was a good showing from these guys — Mason taking the W with 162 points, Tanner only putting up 100. To be fair, I'm typing this on my lunch on Monday, so unless Jalen Hurts puts up 63 points, this game's already decided. I don't think it's a shocker to tell you Mason had one of the powerhouse running backs on his roster, Mr. Bijan Robinson, who started Thursday night with 35 points. When your lowest-scoring player is your kicker — Aubrey with 10 points — it's going to be a damn good week. Mason moves to a comfortable 2-1, and Tanner follows suit with a 2-1 record of his own — honestly this wasn't a bad outing for Tanner, he just had to go up against a guy who scored 162 on a good week. Having Amon-Ra, Malik Nabers, and Tee Higgins doesn't give me much doubt over the course of the season, so you're not going to hear a lot of hate for this team from me — I mean, who could've predicted Seattle's defense only getting you two points because of Marcus Mariota? Overall, good projection from both of these teams. Great games boys, and great win Mason.

Mike 137, Javier 133

Wow, this matchup actually was one of the closest and arguably the game of the week. I only say that because for the morning slate it looked pretty rough, but these teams started hooping. Mike takes the victory over Javier, 137-133 — a close 4-point affair that was only decided by the fact that Davante Adams does not age. Let's set the scene: Javier with Deebo scoring 15 points on 0 catches (that's a real stat, look it up), Scary Terry with a solid 19.7, Jeremiah Love and CMC sharing the RB love with 20 each, and Josh Allen having a "bad game" with 17. Mike, meanwhile, had Dak with 18, ol' reliable Chris Boswell with 13, and the coup de grâce — Jahmyr Fucking Gibbs with 41 points against the Jets, my God. Sorry for using the full government name there, but Jesus, Gibbs is a beast. So what was really the difference? The Sunday night game. Broncos defense for Javier, Davante Adams for Mike. Pat Surtain and Riley Moss are one of the best CB duos in the game, right? It's just Davante, no Puka again, so it's gotta be boxed up, right? Well, if you kept up with last week, Davante Adams doesn't believe in father time, providing a solid 20-point outing that just barely gave Mike the edge over Javier. Denver's defense wasn't a slouch though — 4 sacks, 2 INTs, and a pick-six led to 14 points — unfortunately it just wasn't enough to take the dub. Mike advances in this league to honestly be an early favorite at 3-0, while Javier starts the worst way possible with an 0-3 start. For some it's great, for others it's rough — that's fantasy football. Nice win Mike.

Now, you would think with these first couple of matchups it's shaping up to be a solid week. Unfortunately, it doesn't get much better from here. Let's start with the easiest to stomach.

Avery 149, Elias 109

Avery takes the win easily with a 149-109 point victory, and really there was no show for Elias. Breece Hall getting injured after only 8 points, Dalton Schultz with only 6 points after a 30-piece last week, San Francisco's defense only netting him a single point — the lows are low, but let me tell you there are some highs. Drake London 28, CeeDee Lamb 20, Javonte Williams 18 — good overall points to have, but not enough, especially against Avery's team. Geno Smith (yeah, that's right, Geno Smith) 26 points, Derrick Henry 22, Kenneth Walker 21, the Colts' kicker Spencer Shrader with 17, and the man himself, JSN with 35 points. The reigning OPOY has been hooping out of his mind this year, and I'm sure Avery is loving every second of it. Avery moves to 3-0 while Elias wonders what changes he may need being 1-2 — but I don't think it's a terrible affair tbh. If you need some hope Elias, look at your bench, you'll see all the production you need and you don't even need to change anything, just play the right guys. Good win Avery.

Cody def. AJ, 82

Well, I'm a bit shocked to see you two so low on my list… sike. Cody, solid win over AJ, but beating up a cripple isn't a good look. George Kittle and James Cook with 26 and 19 are the only ones that showed up, unless you count your 16-point kicker. I'd be upset about leaving Sam Darnold on the bench, but you're the same manager that believes in CJ Stroud, so how can I be upset. AJ, 82 points? What are we doing here? Hope you all remember that cripple joke, because AJ is building a great team once everybody comes back in week 10, let me tell you — Jordyn Tyson, AJ Brown, Puka Nacua, but yeah, Zach Charbonnet is the one you put on IR there. I mean it doesn't really matter, Jadarian Price isn't living up to it scoring 1.2 points, TreVeyon Henderson has caught whatever Drake Maye caught with 3.9 points, but hey, at least your defense scored 19. Honestly, I don't want to continue — you know what the worst part is? There's a worse game than this.

Mat def. Jo

I wish I could say you guys didn't set your lineups or missed something, but I can't. Battle of the 0-2's, and I guess Mat won if that's what you want to call it. QBs Goff and Jackson on both sides did well with 20 points each, but that's where the fun stops. Jonathan Taylor 9 points, Omarion Hampton 5 points, Quinshon 9 points, Tet 3 points, Brian Thomas 2 points — I mean, fuck guys. Josh Jacobs and 4 other injuries on the bench between you two are the only things I need to see to solidify my opinion. We appreciate the donation, fellas.

That is a hell of a week for fantasy football. I'm happy I get to do this every now and then, it still brings me joy — I just need a bit of a break sometimes. Fuck a sob story, you all are lucky to have me. This year is shaping up to be a fun one for football, and it's only week 3 — I'm excited, and I hope you all are too.

Happy Tuesday boys.